Vegans. Veganism. Eating nothing that’s related to animals at all. Vegans.
Look, I’m all for health and wellbeing, I go to the gym every morning, I cycle to work, I recycle. And I’m all about animals being treated with respect; testing cosmetics on sheep actually doesn't make sense me at all - sheep don’t need to look pretty, they’re sheep.
So really, I’m in a perfect position to talk about the merits of eating a balanced and varied diet, including eggs, meat, dairy stuff, nuts, fruit. Everything in that pyramid they showed you in school. I don’t really have an issue with vegetarians, either. For some people proper meat has an adverse effect on people’s health and if you feel guilty that the tasty lamb on your plate smothered in mint sauce used to skip around bleating before being cruelly and deliciously roasted for an hour and a half just for your delectation, then that’s cool, I don’t mind that. It just means there are more tasty sheep children for me to tuck in to.
That was a bit morbid, I felt a little uncomfortable writing it tbh. Sorry.
A quick Google search very accurately represents the vegan state of mind:
Tofu. Seriously, what even is tofu? It seems like a philosophical nod towards food rather than being a consumable with any sustenance. A vegan I came across once tried to tell me that the reason tofu gets such a bad rep is because it’s rarely prepared in the right way. He went on to describe a 14-day salt water soak and pressing process but having mentally checked out at this point I’m not sure if he meant that the vegans themselves are meant to go through this or the tofu and frankly I don’t care all that much. In my book, tofu has a bad rep because it’s shit. It has the texture of teabags and no salt water soak will correct that.
I’m actually a little concerned for these people. Where on EARTH do you get your protein from? Soya beans? Really? You expect your body to work really hard at converting beans into muscle fibres, when the body is so lazy that it will do absolutely anything to store sugar as fat? Yeah, ok, I look forward to hearing how your doctor’s appointment goes when you start feeling weak and can’t quite work out why.
I’m sure there are thousands of vegans who feel pretty healthy, who don’t need 14 hours sleep a day and manage to maintain a physiological balance, but have you ever met a vegan over the age of 50? A full-time vegan, that is, someone who has been practicing veganism as all vegans say you should: religiously, incorporating your reverence for animals into every aspect of your life not simply your diet? No, me either, and it’s for one of two reasons:
1) You can’t live without animal proteins and fats
2) Your mates got so sick of your shit they arranged for your timely demise.